MY SIDE BLOG IS MOVING

If you received a message from my side blog (yourknucklessaycobra) just disregard it. I have started a new account and made yourknucklessaycobra a main blog so that messaging from it will be easier. 

I will re-follow all of you from that new blog, and I will continue to follow you on this blog as well (two followers from one person! yay!) 

Hope to see you on the other side! Bye!

has this been done before?

has this been done before?

Ask yourself the important question - if I was an artisan bath soap, what would I be? Would I like my smell? Would others? I need some sleep…

Ask yourself the important question - if I was an artisan bath soap, what would I be? Would I like my smell? Would others? I need some sleep…

What Artisan Bath Soap is Your Favorite OITNB Character?

Orange Is the New Black brilliantly brings together a wide variety of woman. For example, Red was involved in the Russian mob, Pennsatucky was a meth addict, and Piper made artisan bath soaps. Quite the variety. To pay tribute to the often-ignored main character, I present a completely unnecessary guide to what artisan bath soap matches the soul of each character.

Piper - Vanilla. First off it seems to be a bland soap, but when isolated from other stronger-smelling soaps, the powerful, sensual smell of vanilla is quite appealing.

Alex – Peppermint. Refreshing, like an unexpected whiff of air. Distinct, strong, and a bit jarring. Unfortunately, seasonal.

Larry – Dial regular. Doesn’t really smell like anything. Normal. The baseline. But dependable. It’s never going to be your favorite, but you’re never going to hate it.

Nicky – Ocean Breeze. Chill, not too strong but still pleasant. This relaxed smell seems to make everything seem chill and understanding. 

Red – Ginger. This is not just a comment about her hair being red. It’s also an ingredient used in many recipes and a smell that is pleasant but not exactly sweet either.

Crazy Eyes – Mixed Berry. A little bit of everything, a sometimes hap hazardous mixture that can too easily become unbalanced. Too complex to be defined as one thing.

Daya – Honey. Sweet, comfortable, innocent and well meaning.

Bennett – Juniper. Another sweet smell, but not particularly memorable.

Yoga Jones – Green Tea. Health, balance, energy, it’s all in there.

Miss Claudette – Lemon. Mostly because I assume that her former housekeeping job including lemon-scented products. Also because it is a strong, acidic scent.

Pornstache – Sandalwood. I don’t know what sandalwood is but I don’t like it. Untrustworthy, but maybe it will grow on me.

Morello – Lavendar. Morello’s red lipstick is very feminine and her kind, easygoing personality has just the tenderness and softness of lavendar.

Pennsatucky – Coconut. She’s nuts. Get it?

Taystee – Mango. A strong, pleasant smell that is best in small doses.

Polly - Key Lime Pie, only liked by a select few.

I hope this important guide helps you immensely in your future endeavors. 

I’m a sexy cat!

Abed Nadir (Danny Pudi) falling into Nicolas Cage-induced madness on Community
Abed explains to Jeff why neutral-tone knit cardigans are totally hot this season. 

Abed explains to Jeff why neutral-tone knit cardigans are totally hot this season. 

The Next Great Community Homage

Community is back! Hallelujah for every sarcastic, meta-loving, pop culture obsessed super fan (ahem, it’s possible I am referring to myself). Just three episodes into this rejuvenated season and the show is already doing a concept episode. Some of their best episodes have been spoofs, homages or concept-centric. But I think there are some tropes they have overlooked that would be perfect for zany Greendale. Here are a few humble suggestions…

  1. Community goes to Hawaii, much like The Brady Bunch, Modern Family, and the Harlem Globetrotters. In reference to the Bradys, Jeff finds a cursed voodoo skull that wreaks havoc on the group’s attempt to perform a groovy concert. How much is Annie a Marsha? Seriously.
  2. The classic TV drama Dallas, posed a cliffhanger with the question, “Who Shot J.R.?” After hearing SPOILER ALERT that Pierce will be dying off screen this season, I can’t help but think they have an opportunity to turn this into a much bigger deal than it ever needed to be. Who Shot Pierce? The opportunities (and suspects) are endless.
  3. The Dirty Dancing “unlikely pair learns to dance and falls in love at the same time” trope. Who would it be? Annie and Abed? Britta and Starburns? Shirley and Chang? Troy and Vicky? I love this.
  4. Sports movie. No one (save Troy) is particularly athletic on Community, but I can’t help but feel that if the gang were to say, compete with a rival community college in some sport, we could have some amazing motivational speeches (from Jeff, natch), an underdog who rises to the occasion and saves the day, maybe some racial aspect to overcome, slow motion, crowds cheering, clear eyes, full hearts, they can’t lose!
  5. Sex and the City parody. Shirley is such a Charlotte! Annie, the career-driven, logical Miranda, Britta, the unapologetic, sexually open Samantha, and surprisingly, Abed as Carrie. Can’t you see him observing the nuances of love behind a computer screen? I couldn’t help but wonder… how awesome this spoof would be.
  6. A Christmas Carol. A confused Jeff learns about the spirit of Christmas when visited by the ghosts… yadda yadda yadda you get it. Garrett is Tiny Tim! I see it!
  7. Game show. Let’s really commit to this homage-apalooza. A whole episode where the cast has to answer personal, secret-revealing questions as teams in a game show setting. Your host? Dean Pelton, of course. Teams: Annie, Abed and Britta vs. Jeff, Shirley and Troy.
  8. The Maury Show. Who’s the daddy? My hope is that Britta ends up pregnant, but it might be Jeff, Troy or Subway’s baby. Yes, I want Subway back. He and Britta are my OTP. (Spoiler alert: it’s Subway’s. Eat Fresh.)
  9. The Rashomon episode. An upsetting event goes down and each character has to piece it together as they saw it, subtly revealing the biased (and sometimes ridiculous) way they perceive each other.
  10. A spoof of Community. What? No wait, that was season four…
These two looking like they’re gearing up for the Hart of Dixie Drinking Game. A shot every time they share an angsty look? Yes.

These two looking like they’re gearing up for the Hart of Dixie Drinking Game. A shot every time they share an angsty look? Yes.

The Hart of Dixie Drinking Game

The CW dramedy returns this Monday, and after repeat viewings of the past season, I have discovered a few recurring trends that both benefit the show and its viewers – and by that I mean it could get us drunk. Take a seat at the Rammer Jammer and raise your glasses for the Hart of Dixie Drinking Game.

-       Drink every time Zoe says, “I’m with Joel now.” Keep telling yourself that, honey. I got plenty of liquor.

-       Drink (and roll your eyes) every time Joel mentions his novel. Bonus round when we inevitably find out that his novel is going to be a scathing critique on small town life that gets him run out of Bluebell. I can really sense this one happening, guys. That, or I am getting tipsy.

-       Take two drinks every time a mid-level country band shows up to play a mystery background concert. Seriously, Bluebell is like the Coachella of Alabama.

-       Drink every time Lynley smiles like an evil, mischievous elf. Remember the show before Lynley? Good times.

-       Drink every time Lavon is outraged about something. You can finish your drink because he was probably outraged by the Lynley The Evil Elf comment.

-       Take a little sip whenever George shows up wearing non-threatening pastels. Just a sip, or else you will get liver poisoning from this one.

-       Drink every time Wade is shirtless. But make sure to revel in the view fully before drinking.

-       Drink every time someone mentions the golden haven of Mobile, Alabama. They have EVERYTHING there, okay guys?

-       Drink every time Zoe says “Great!” sarcastically. Bonus round if she is wearing impractical heels.

-       Drink every time a woman on the show acts like a fast-talking perfectionist. This could apply to Zoe, Lemon, Annabeth, Ruby, Rose… so yeah, anyone.

If you have made it through an episode without puking or passing out, I applaud you my friend. You can be pageant queen or bake off champion or founder’s day pirate or whatever position someone is scheming for this week. Zoe’s not interested though; she’s with Joel now.

"I came here to iron shirt tails and kick ass, and I’m all out of shirt tails." - sample dialogue from my The Butler/White House Down mash-up

"I came here to iron shirt tails and kick ass, and I’m all out of shirt tails." - sample dialogue from my The Butler/White House Down mash-up