Orange Is the New Black brilliantly brings together a wide variety of woman. For example, Red was involved in the Russian mob, Pennsatucky was a meth addict, and Piper made artisan bath soaps. Quite the variety. To pay tribute to the often-ignored main character, I present a completely unnecessary guide to what artisan bath soap matches the soul of each character.
Piper - Vanilla. First off it seems to be a bland soap, but when isolated from other stronger-smelling soaps, the powerful, sensual smell of vanilla is quite appealing.
Alex – Peppermint. Refreshing, like an unexpected whiff of air. Distinct, strong, and a bit jarring. Unfortunately, seasonal.
Larry – Dial regular. Doesn’t really smell like anything. Normal. The baseline. But dependable. It’s never going to be your favorite, but you’re never going to hate it.
Nicky – Ocean Breeze. Chill, not too strong but still pleasant. This relaxed smell seems to make everything seem chill and understanding.
Red – Ginger. This is not just a comment about her hair being red. It’s also an ingredient used in many recipes and a smell that is pleasant but not exactly sweet either.
Crazy Eyes – Mixed Berry. A little bit of everything, a sometimes hap hazardous mixture that can too easily become unbalanced. Too complex to be defined as one thing.
Daya – Honey. Sweet, comfortable, innocent and well meaning.
Bennett – Juniper. Another sweet smell, but not particularly memorable.
Yoga Jones – Green Tea. Health, balance, energy, it’s all in there.
Miss Claudette – Lemon. Mostly because I assume that her former housekeeping job including lemon-scented products. Also because it is a strong, acidic scent.
Pornstache – Sandalwood. I don’t know what sandalwood is but I don’t like it. Untrustworthy, but maybe it will grow on me.
Morello – Lavendar. Morello’s red lipstick is very feminine and her kind, easygoing personality has just the tenderness and softness of lavendar.
Pennsatucky – Coconut. She’s nuts. Get it?
Taystee – Mango. A strong, pleasant smell that is best in small doses.
Polly - Key Lime Pie, only liked by a select few.
I hope this important guide helps you immensely in your future endeavors.