There were a lot of interesting movies released this year, but there just isn’t time to watch them all. Individually, anyway. Here I have conveniently combined a few movies for you, leaving the best of both movies but doing it in half the time! I present, Summer Movies of 2013 in a Nutshell:
- The Furious Gatsby – After some raucous partying in The Great Gatsby, Gatsby races home with Daisy in a jealous, angry stupor and kills Myrtle. Instead of the sad ending, he realizes he loves the thrill of the speed and joins the gang in The Fast and Furious 6.
- Light It Up – The Millers try to smuggle pot over the border with a fake family – but nothing gets by The Heat. Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock hunt down the Millers and Sandra Bullock shoots Jason Sudeikis in the penis.
- Excellent Service – When the White House comes under attack in White House Down, the kind, old, beloved Butler takes matters (and a AK-47) into his own hands to protect the president – and America.
- Damnit, Loki! – Kirk and Spock are cruising through space in Star Trek into Darkness when they stumble into another universe – called Asgard! (Okay, Thor: The Dark World isn’t out yet but I can dream!).
- Fun for the Whole Family – Amanda Seyfried goes on Epic magical adventures with her tiny forest friends. But when she returns to regular size, her abusive husband steps on them and forces her to work in porn as Lovelace.